I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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