At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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