i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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