Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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