yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
