She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
