from now on my penis is your penis
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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