dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
