so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
