the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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