Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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