Cold hands, warm shart.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
