We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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