shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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