So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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