Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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