Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I did not marry a roomba.
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