He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
