thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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