well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
