dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
