I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
