Where is the hickey?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
