i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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