I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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