woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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