I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
