life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
