best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
