Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
