her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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