U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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