i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
