Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
