Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
