god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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