Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
