I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
