I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
