I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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