You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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