I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
