Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
