we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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