And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
