Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
