hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
