she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
