I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
