He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
