She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
