my mouth tastes like poor choices
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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