My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
