well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
