I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
