Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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